Deciding when to have sex

Being sexual is a very personal way of communicating with someone else. It is a physical way of expressing love and affection. Being sexual is a personal choice and it is not uncommon to take time to make the decision. It may help to know that love doesn't equal sex. Relationships can be happy without being sexual.

Talking about sex with the person you are sexually attracted to, whether they are a friend, acquaintance or even your partner may help you both work out if you want to begin a sexual relationship with them. Try to talk about your expectations, and what you expect from them. If it is relevant, don't forget to talk about contraception.

If you decide to have sex remember:

Sex must be consensual, that means both of you want to engage in sex

Suggestions for safe sex

It is always a good idea to engage in 'safer sex'. This means making sure you don't risk catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI's - like HIV/AIDS, herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea). For more information about STI's and HIV & AIDS you may want to check out our safer sex section

It is a good idea to find out about safe sex and how different STI's are passed on. Using condoms with water-based lubricants and dental dams is one way to protect yourself from some STIs. You may like to be informed about how to prevent STI's before you take any risks. You can do this by:

* Checking out your local Sexual Health Clinic
* Talking with youth workers at a youth project or group
* Visit your doctor

You should also take a look at our Sexual Health and Safer Sex - HIV & AIDS support pages.

Saying no

Being in a sexual relationship can be very enjoyable and rewarding when that relationship is negotiated and agreed to by both people. Sometimes people think they can demand that someone be sexual with them, or force them to have sex against their will. Remember no-one has the right to force you into sexual contact with them, you have the right to say no. Don't let yourself be intimidated into having sex with anyone. If you find it diffcult to say no, click here for our tips on assertiveness

When can I legally have sex?

In the UK, the age of consent for heterosexual and homosexual men and women is now 16 in England, Wales and Scotland and 17 in Northern Ireland.

This was finally changed recently - meaning both heterosexual and homosexual men and women have an equal age. Before this, the age of consent for homosexual men was 18 and there was no statutory age of consent for lesbian sex.

The second change means that a person under the age of consent will not commit an offence if they have a homosexual relationship with someone over the age of consent.

The final change now in place is a new offence against adults "in positions of trust". ie. social workers, teachers, youth workers, care home workers or any other situation where adults are in a "position of trust" and in contact with under 18s.

This means that if someone is in a position of trust towards a person aged between 16 and 18, for instance a teacher, they are not allowed to have a sexual relationship with the younger party. Also, in line with other sex offences, someone (over 20) convicted of such an offence will be placed on the national sex offenders register, and could also be subject to a jail sentence.

More information

If you want more information you may want to contact:

Your local sexual health clinic, provides a free and confidential service.

Your GP or health worker.

Youth Projects (like OutZone!), often have booklets, information and resources about safe sex and other health issues. And of course you can talk in confidence to the youth work staff.

If you would like to talk to somone in confidence, please don't hesitate to contact us.