What is bullying?

Anyone can be bullied it doesn't matter what your age, sex or cultural background. Bullying is a lot more common than people think and can happen in many different environments including school, at home or at work.

There are many ways that someone can be bullied:

• Verbal - such as name calling or put downs, threats
• Physical - being punched, tripped, kicked or having your belongings stolen or damaged.
• Social - Being left out, ignored or having rumours spread.
• Psychological - you are given dirty looks or stalked.

Being bullied can lower your self-esteem and you may feel alone, sad, depressed, angry, scared or confused. If you are being bullied it is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. Don't be afraid to let someone know that you are being bullied they may be able to help you.

Who bullies?

A bully can be an individual, or group of people and can either be someone your own age, an older person, or someone in a position of power such as a teacher, parent or boss.

Often a bully will have a low self-esteem or has been a victim of violence themselves and they are using bullying as a way of making themselves feel more powerful. If you are experiencing bullying it may help to remember that bullies are often not as tough as they make out. They are often dealing with their problems by bullying other people.

What can I do?

Below are suggestions of different things you may be able to do if you are being bullied. Different strategies can work in different situations. It is important to tell someone if the bully is being violent or seriously hurting you. Where possible ignore them - Ignoring the bully may be helpful. Bullies are looking for a reaction from you.

Suggestions for ignoring the bully include:

- walk away when the bully approaches you
- have a saying that you can repeat in your head when the bully approaches you.

Building a wall around you - it may be helpful to build an invisible wall around you. Any verbal abuse then just bounces of the wall.

Use visualisation - Bullies can be pretty scary, picturing them looking silly may help to make them less problematic for you. For example, picture the bully's head shrinking.

Stay positive - It can be hard to remember all your good points when someone is doing their best to be negative. However try to think of all the things you do well and that you are a valuable person. Thinking of how bad the bully must be feeling may also help you to stay positive.
Hang around other people - You may be safer if you stay in groups.

Be confident - Bullies usually pick on people that they perceive are weaker than they are so it may help if you stand up to them.

Some suggestions are:

• telling them to leave you alone may get a bully off your back.
• turning around and being nice to them may throw them right off.
• using humour may also throw the bully off track.
• use positive self talk - saying to yourself something like "I know I am better than that, I don't have to pick on other people to know that I am good."

remember that your friends accept you for who you are.

Keep out of their way - It may be possible for you to avoid the bully. This can mean travelling a different way to school or avoiding the places that they hang out. This is not giving in to the bullying rather it is looking after yourself and ensuring you are happier and more comfortable.

Tell someone else - To stop the bullying it can be helpful to tell someone that you are being bullied. This may seem scary at first however telling someone can lighten your load and help you to work out how to solve the problem.

Friends, teachers, a youth worker or parent may be helpful people to tell. If you feel more comfortable take a friend with you to chat to these people. If you feel you can't talk to someone face-to-face, under 18's can call ChildLine: 0800 11 11, and everyone can call The Samaritans: 020 7734 2800. Or click the links to visit their Websites. For adults and young people specifically experiencing homophobic bullying at work or crime, you can also visit:

LAGER - Lesbian and Gay Employment Rights

GALOP - who offer assistance to lesbians, gay men and bisexual people who have experienced homophobic violence, abuse or harassment and they provide assistance in dealing with the police.

Seeking help

Bullying can lead to you feeling a whole lot of emotions. Speaking to your local doctor, counsellor or youth worker about it may help you understand these feelings and come up with strategies to cope with the situation.

What can I do if someone is being bullied?

Is someone you know being bullied?

Bullying may be difficult to see as it may happen when the person is alone. People experiencing bullying may be scared to tell anyone or feel ashamed about being bullied so may try to hide what is going on. Some indications that someone is being bullied are:

• Lack of motivation
• Vagueness (especially around certain topics)
• Unusual behaviour
• Seeing the person be hassled
• Physical injuries

Take care that you don't immediately assume that the problem is bullying. These signs may be visible for a whole range of reasons not only because they are being bullied. Someone may show these signs because of the person they are or they may be dealing with other issues in their life.

What to do if you think someone you know is being

• Talk to them - It is a good idea to talk to the person you think is being bullied to find out what is going on with them. Try to remember that the person you are talking with may be very sensitive about the situation and may be scared.
• Let them know you care, and help them feel good about themselves. - If a person is being bullied their confidence may be low and they may feel lonely. It helps to let them know that you are a friend and care about them. It can often help to point out all the great things they have to offer to help them to feel good about themselves.
• Include the person into your group - Making a special effort to include the person into your group may help to increase the person confidence.
• Stick up for them - If you see someone is being bullied it may be helpful to stick up for them. Take care to ensure that in trying to stick up for the person being bullied that you don't make the situation worse or put yourself in danger.
• Speak to someone - Letting someone else know about the situation may help you to solve the problem. A teacher, counsellor or another adult could be helpful people to talk to. It may also be helpful to involve the person experiencing the bullying in this process. Together you can go and talk to someone about the situation.
• If you would like to talk to someone in confidence, please don't hesitate to contact us.