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| OutZone Support Pages - Assertiveness |
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Think about the last time someone said something that annoyed or offended you in some way. Perhaps someone cracked a homophobic joke. Did you challenge them? The chances are you may not have. It’s often difficult to. And if you don’t you’re likely to remain silent and get resentful about it. You go away from the situation feeling angry, upset, annoyed, whilst the other person thinks no more of it. So how can you change that next time? Well you can start by deciding exactly how you feel. Is it that you feel angry? Irritated? Offended? Pinpoint precisely what the behaviour is that you want to challenge. So it may go something like this ‘I feel offended when you make homophobic jokes and I’d prefer it if you didn’t make them in my presence’. Whatever they say, you can field it back to them…’You may find that joke funny. I find it offensive.’ If the person indicates that they are not willing to change their behaviour, then you can state the consequences. For example, ‘I can not continue to be friends with you if…’ Finally, move things on as quickly and smoothly as possible ‘I’m glad we’ve sorted that out, I feel much better now.’ | | Challenge someone today and you’ll feel a lot better tomorrow. You have every right. |
  Our bodies can speak volumes for us so it’s important to be aware of what we’re doing with our bodies, whatever we’re saying with our mouths. Body language involves giving signals about our feelings and the content of what we’re saying. It’s how the body expresses itself separately from the words themselves. It can indicate anger, fear, hurt, joy, love and much more. Body language reinforces what you’re saying verbally, so it needs to be consistent with the message. Here are a few handy hints to remember, when you are trying to communicate assertively:
- Posture and distance - make sure you are not too close or too far away from the other person. Too close and you may appear aggressive. Too far away and you will not have enough personal presence. It also helps to be on the same level physically.
- Eyes and mouth - Always maintain relaxed and friendly eye contact. Our eyes are one of our most expressive features. When we are nervous we often clench our jaws. Try to relax this part of your face.
- Voice - A calm, even and audible tone of voice is more likely to show that you are in control of yourself and clear about what you are saying. Try not to swallow your words or shout!
- Breathing - Hyperventilating? Take some deep breaths if you are going into a situation that makes you anxious. It really can help to calm you down.
- Gestures - Try not to act like a traffic cop directing traffic! Most people have a tendency to be expressive with their hands. Just keep it in check - too much waving can be distracting to what you're actually trying to say.
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| Assertiveness related pages
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