Getting what you want means asking for what you need. This may be in personal, professional or sexual situations. Asking for what you need in a situation means first of all deciding, for yourself, what it is you need. A good starting point is to decide what it is that you really want - in other words, what your 'bottom line' is! What is it that you want or need from a situation? What do you want to change? Once you're clear for yourself what it is, then you need to be able to communicate it effectively. The number one rule is to be Clear, Concise and Direct - Keep it Simple!

Here are a few basic rules to remember:

Asking for what you want isn’t always easy. Even if you’ve managed to decide what your ‘bottom line’ is, express it clearly, concisely and directly and be heard ­ you may not be able to get what you want. Unfortunately, life just isn’t that straightforward all the time. Asking for what you want isn’t about winning or getting your own way. Sometimes you have to make compromises in a situation. Compromising doesn’t mean you’ve failed or ‘lost’. Sometimes you have to accept that is not going to be possible to achieve your bottom line. Achieving a workable compromise can be a positive outcome for everyone involved. The main thing to remember is that each person involved should get enough of what they want in order to give up something without feeling resentful.

So what happens when you don’t want a workable compromise and just want to say ‘no’ to someone? Saying ‘no’ can be the hardest word to say in many situations. A good starting point for being able to say ‘no’  more easily is to remember that saying ‘no’ when you need to, is saying ‘yes’ to yourself and your needs. 

Here are a few pointers to help you:

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